Posted on: Monday, January 04, 2010
Posted at: 3:51 AM Hello Earthlings it's 2010! I finally have the time to blog about everything so get ready for one of the longest entries in greenbeanies ever!

It's a freaking long post you can skip this whole chunk if you want to.

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So many things happened last year and I had gone through them in my strongest state of mind though I had fallen a few times.
I still think there's room for growth though. Time for me to be more sensible and sensitive, think before I speak girl! I really don't wish to hurt the people I love most because of my insensitivity and thus it's time to change!
I've changed so much, probably most in the last half of the year.
I learnt that it takes a lot more effort, dedication, time and patience for things to work out, be it studies, relationship, life.
My mindset has changed a little, I became more understanding, more tolerant, more forgiving I suppose?

I've also learnt that sometimes it's not just about me, and it's about others too. I may have learnt that lesson a little late, but hopefully the phrase "it's never too late" applies.
If I love somebody, I should stop thinking about myself for maybe that one time and come out of my comfort zone. Sometimes things ain't as bad as it seems, and it'd be a win-win situation if only I had thought further in this train of thoughts.

In 2009, I've lost a friend who had been dear to me.
I wish I can get down to the root of the problem, but I guess the word misunderstandings would suffice for now.
I've never had so many quarrels with a friend before, and from this I learn how much it hurts.
I've only went out once with this friend before, had a fun time doing some silly stuff such as acting as rich kids, and there had been promises of more with somoeone else included but I suppose that won't happen.
In the past quarrels I had tried to patch things up, but for now I really don't know how I can do so. I won't reveal my reasons why but I'm so sorry for letting go, I really do not want to, trust me I really don't.
I'm glad you shared your thoughts with me, and I'm glad for the amount of trust you had for me, as much as I had for you.
From you, I truely learnt the lesson of the great amount of effort needed to keep a friendship going.
Thank you, and sorry, to the you if ever come to read this space anymore.

I've been more accepting towards mummy's boyfriend too. I had been mean to him due to my fucking paranoid nature so I kept thinking he'd cheat mummy of her feelings and $ (though she doesn't have much), and because of the way he looks.
But after spending time and knowing him more, I knew that you cannot judge a book by it's covers.
This man respects my decision, gives advice to me when I asked for it, cares for me like how he'd care for his own daughter, he'd even give me money when he wins 4D!
I feel very bad towards daddy for accepting this man but deep down I truely believe that this man is more suitable for mummy.
I blog about this because I want to tell myself it's time to let go of the negativity and let things flow naturally for mummy. Mummy is an adult and she knows what she's doing and has like how many freaking more years of life experiences than me, and I've grown up too.
I just want her to be happy, and for her to be happy, I know I have to respect her decision and her freedom, just like how she does the same to me.
Blogging about this is also the way I tell myself that it's really acceptance now.

in 2009 I've also learnt to let someone else take charge and let go of my feelings sometimes instead of keeping it bottled up all the time because there is always someone out there to hold on to you, there is always someone out there who understands you, and even if there isn't, there is always someone out there who cares and is ever so willing to lend you that listening ear that you need.
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To Mabel, I have told you so many things I'd never tell others. It's funny how we're so different yet so similar. It's really great that we can get along so well. I love your friendliness, it's a trait that I'll never possess. I love how I can always rely on you no matter what, that I can call you and you'll be there to listen. I love it that we always have something to talk about whenever we go out. I love it that you trust me so much to share with me whatever you had did, and I love it that I can give you the same trust you can give me too! I love your spontaniety and your sense of great fun and quirkiness, and your lack of embarrassment. You're seriously one of the bestest thing that can ever happen to me.
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To my momo gang especially Jas, Chiwei and Mel, I'm so glad for all the outings. To say the truth I never thought that I can tell you guys so many things about me probably 'cause we are all so dispersed everywhere and with our different commitments and friends we can easily see why. Yet we had gotten even closer, so close you guys have seen like one of my ugliest sight (like vomitting OMG HAHAHAH) and I've seen yours too hehehehe. To Jas, I love your protectiveness for your friends and for the time in the toilet when we had shared so much experiences with each other, I never expected we can do that but we did! The way you care for your friends, it really shows true friendship. It's so ironic how we used to hate each other when we 1st joined the team but gotten so close at the end. You're so damn funny when you're drunk btw. To Chiwei, ohmygod you are the only girl who knows about all the heartaches and embarrassing moments! Thank you for standing by me for the past 6 years and your maturity when I have to go to you for advices. Although we ain't as close as before, you know I still love you! To Mel, you're the most motherly friend I've ever met. Always the orderly one in the clique so we won't go out of hand! And always the organiser for outings etc. I thank you for all your effort in keeping this clique together 'cause without you, I think we would have crumbled. You always take care of us as best as you can and you know how much I appreciate it man. To Lesley, I'm so sorry I didn't visit you in Cheers when you were working! Jas and you have always been providing us with the laughter we need, and though you always blur blur, I know that you know what's happening one lah! Your randomness is something no one can beat man.
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To my dearest Guo LingLan darl, I have no idea why we are SO DAMN BLOODY CLOSE. My library study buddy, and my lunch buddy, I love you and I thank you for all the times! I seriously think we should stop bitching about others, haha NOT! I also have to thank you for beinging Pris and Suzie baby to me, without you I won't get to know them and you know, the more the merrier! You know you can always count on me babe and stop telling me to say you're cute please. Hopefully you and your donkey boy can finally you know you know :D and lunch soon ah I miss you man how long have I not seen you!
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To Sam SuhYee Sel and Tanya, you people have been the life of my JC life. Without you it'd be so different! All thanks to you guys I've been labelled Eat Potatoes in dialect sighs due to my improvement in English, which led to even suckier Chinese (I still insist my Chinese is DISTINCTION). Somehow we dn't need any games or activites to have fun and you people are one of my favourite people to take picture with especially my Sam deaaaarrrrrrrrrr my unglam buddy yozzzz. We are all so different and it's amazing how we can come together and compliment each other like this. Remember those yearly dates we have! To Sam, as I've said you've been my camwhore buddy ohmygod. All the way since OG20 I can't believe my luck! You have always given me your utmost support in whatever I do, and I really really have to thank you for that. You remember everything I don't know how you do that! To SuhYee, you horny and super unglam bitch. We share all the dirtiest thing! You're also one of the most straightforward person I ever known, man you stink :p Will never forget all the times you forced me to eat, pulled me along while running to the canteen, toilet breaks, going back home trips etc. To Sel, you provide us with your iPhone, what else can I say! Hahaha. Your bimbo-ness is such an entertainment and we had fun picking at you :p I've never told you how much I appreciate your attentiveness when all of us have something to say, and for being so helpful to all of us, never complaining! To Tanya crazy woman, we had so much fun laughing like shit in class! You're such a mischievious and cheeky girl and that's why I love you! Stop laughing at me sleeping alreadyyyyyy hahahaha.
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Other than friends, the one other person I can rely on would be my xyz hahaha I can't believe I am typing this OMGWTFZSXZSXZZSXSXSZ! Months ago this was something that could only happen in my dreams.
I still find it a little unbelievable sometimes and it makes me so happy I tend to smile all of a sudden so you can stop asking why I smile already.
I won't say much here 'cause I know you, Yangzhi (hahahahah I can type YOUR NAME like YOUR NAME without worries), is a shy boy (HAH my ass!) but you just have to know I'm so glad I can hold your hands when we walk the path from CWP back home already... And that fat baby and I are so comfortable with you already though we've only been together for like what, 2 months?!?!?!
Which is why I can finallly say, time isn't everything. Quality time is. (:
I'll return you whatever I owe you IN FULL (you know what they are right!) and I'll bomb you with specialities of The Licking Monster okay!
ii lurrbeexzxzss yoo arhhzsxsxzxxx <33
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And to my family, what can I say I just love you. I'll stop dreaming about the unattainables and focus on how and what I can do to make all of us not drift apart despite what had happened.

I've started this post being emo nemo and ended off feeling happy as hell and it's all thanks to the people I've mentioned above WAHAHAHAHA.
This year is the only year I get to write all these like I really really really really mean it (many really's 'cause I did mean what I said last time) 'cause I really feel so strongly man.
I doubt I'll write all those in the coming years 'cause so mushy lah aiyo!
I'll keep all the lessons learnt in my heart and hope 2010 and the rest of the years will turn out even betterrrrrrr.