Posted on: Sunday, August 19, 2007
Posted at: 9:30 PM Prelims is like, about a week later, and I AM STILL NOT READY FOR IT. It's bad. I think my hopes for going to JC can fly out of the window already.

Oh and I decided to retake my chinese again. It's $24 so why not? Although I'm pretty afraid I'm gonna get B4 again.

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Just had o level english oral on friday. I didn't know how I fare though. Is it a good thing if the teacher laughs at something I said? Laugh, as in, a very nice laugh, not those sinister type.

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I've been listening to extremely emo songs these days. Can't stand listening to cheery music.

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QiNeng, I know you may not come by to read it, but I hope you do, because I really wanna explain stuffs to you, stuffs that you may already know, but not from my own mouth.

I admit that I got bored of this relationship, but never you. My feelings for you never changed, that I can assure you, even til now. I got bored because we spent too much time together, I see you in school, I see you after school, and even outside school. I know this may sound romantic to some of you, you know, being together all the time, but it's not! And somehow I have to answer to everything I do. That's not what I want.
I didn't tell you that I was bored of this relationship because I wanted to solve this myself. I know it's wrong, but I felt that, if you were the one who told me that you were the one who got bored of this, I'd definitely be hurt. I don't want you to get hurt. And who knows, maybe we'd break up, like right now.

I'm sorry I watched Alone without you.

Right. After we broke up, I was really upset. You said I looked very very happy the next day, but I wasn't. You looked happy too, much happier without me. Maybe YangQin was right, people often looked very happy to try to cover up their sorrows. Or something like that.

I wanted to patch up with you. I know I told Chiwei that I didn't want to, because I wanted to do it all by myself. I told you I didn't want to, because if you were to accept, I would just be, like what others say, "All talk, no action.". I wanted to do something for you, to show you that I really did make the effort for you. Little did I know that you didn't have any faith in me, you didn't believe that I would do something to salvage this relationship. You didn't know what I did for this relationship, you felt like I was taking you for granted. After I knew it, I nearly gave up. I spent time thinking over, but I still decided to continue with it. Until yesterday. I messaged you at around 1plus am, and I knew that you won't reply because you were sleeping. So I waited for the whole day for your reply, and guess what? You didn't reply me. Is it you don't know what to reply me, or is it you don't bother anymore? I do.

I cried alot of nights after we broke up. I knew that you were tired, and you didn't want to make any effort to try to salvage this relationship, and that you were waiting for me to make the first move. But do you know that it's so selfish? You had her to complain to, and who did I have? I had my pillow. You think that's enough?

You asked me to forgive you. How? How do I do that after the stuffs you said, and did? In the end, who was the one who did not make any effort to try to save this relationship? I planned everything nicely, and it was supposed to be on yesterday. You still remember what date it was?

It was the 18th.